8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
