But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
