Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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