Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I puked a lego.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
