in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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