Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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