i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
