Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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