This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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