Having a random hookup so left but love u
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
