Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
