I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
