9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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