Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize