I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
