why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
