just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
