The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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