I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
