i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've blown a few things in my day
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
