While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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