I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
