can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
