I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
