I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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