ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
