Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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