You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize