Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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