I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
