Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
