Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
