brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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