I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
