there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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