in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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