; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
