meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sponge bath it is.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
