batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
