My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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