96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
