You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
