I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
