I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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