Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
