I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
