Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize