the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
