Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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