WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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