apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
