I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I cut my penus on the lid.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hippo gnu deer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
