It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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