about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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