Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
