I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
