When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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