I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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