I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
