Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(641): View more from Iowa

she has no idea who harrison ford is.

(617): View more from Massachusetts

see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s

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(585): View more from New York

Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.

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(519): View more from Ontario

We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on

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(949): View more from California

the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.

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(315): View more from New York

Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun

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(641): View more from Iowa

TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE

(203): View more from Connecticut

literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..

(203): View more from Connecticut

Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off

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