my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
