You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
